Friday, December 4, 2009

The secret lives of Moms

Secret Lives of Mom was the topic in Oprah on Thursday and oh how I agree with EVERYTHING they talked about. From the whole handling your kids, feelings on motherhood and how having children affects your marriage, your relationships... it's all soo true.

Truth be told,in the beginning it wasn't easy for me or Asa. We struggled, we were tired and still are sometimes because parenting doesn't stop AT ALL.. and there are times when we feel guilty for complaining BUT regret never came across our mind. I remember one time when a friend asked how it is having children and what came into our mind was... it's good..great in fact. The first thing that came into our mind were the good things not the bad. Weird right??!!

I actually bask in the joy of motherhood about 1 month after I deliver because before that my body was a wreck. It did after all go through labour. Plus there's the whole breastfeeding thing and that keeps you occupied until you get the hang of it. Asa on the other hand had to juggle a very emotional me, the baby(but Azalia was a very calm baby) and work and the adjustments took time.

Along the way sure there were tempers flying around, the merajuk-ness for not getting the attention that we want (I'm talking about adults here people not the child) but we made a pact to NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY. I think that helped.. A LOT.
We would settle whatever dissatisfaction that we had and put it to rest. That is why I think we survived my baby blues period because we had good communication.

They also talked about our own expectations of what mothers should be and how we always always try to achieve that expectations and don't give ourselves a break. I admit.. I had my own expectations. I didn't have anyone else my age for me to compare or exchange stories with. And I struggled because I didn't know whether what I did was right or wrong. But there is no right or wrong. You can buy a whole shelf of parenting books and still struggle. I believe those who wrote the book also struggled themselves that's why they wrote the book because after much trial and error they finally think they've got it. But different families have different ways, so there is no one right way in being a parent. Even to this day I still question some of the things I do and what impact it has on my daughter.

That is why breaks are important. And the moms in the show insists they are. Being a parent is 24/7 and it's for a very very very long time. Imagine if you don't get breaks.. you can go a bit cuckoo you know. Giving yourself a break can also make your marriage stronger. Honestly it was hard at first for me to give myself a break. Sometimes I need to be reminded. One time Asa had to insist it's time for me to take a break because at one time.. I was crabby and tired and stressed and it affected both my husband and my daughter. But once I did take them...I became relaxed and happy again and ultimately a happy mother results in a happy father and a happy daughter. Now everytime I find myself needing a break, I just take them and I'm very thankful I have a husband who understands, encourages and fully supports me in doing so.

Whatever it is... being a parent is never easy. Whoever said it's easy has a whole army to help them with it. But good things never comes easy and the unconditional love that you give and receive from your children are the bestest most greatest feeling one could ever imagine. Seriously.

So to all parents and me.. give yourself a break. . It's going to be one looonnnggg roller coaster ride.


  1. what do u do when you off for a break?

  2. Ape2lah yang take my mind off the responsibility. hehe. Lepak with friends and NOT talk about parenting, gi tengok wayang, gi date night dgn Asa and just borak about stuff and not about things at home, mintak Asa bwk Azalia keluar so that I can just rest or biar her grandparents take her out. Kdg2 tu bila keluar gi study pun rasa mcm taking a break because my mind is not on parenting but on me and my studies.

  3. I rasa even my mom took breaks when we were small. Her breaks are when she's back at her parents' place in KL (that time kitorg tinggal dktg sarawak lagi) and we can see that she's more relaxed and less garang. She would just let us run free with our cousins and aunts and uncles. I guess getting breaks is doing something that makes you more relaxed. Itu je. Kids being kids of course huru hara kan. So sometimes kene runaway from all the chaos, or let someone else take care of the chaos once in awhile.