I was pregnant.............. but only for 4 days.

Well actually 7 weeks. But I only found out 4 days before I miscarry.... again.

At least I didn't snort when I cry this time.

When the sac came out it was much smaller than before. It was a white clear sac. Stained with a little blood but when I rinsed it, it was a white clear sac. I felt it coming out while I was praying Subuh this morning. Subhanallah.

Sure I cried. I also wasn't sure what to do next. Some has shown their concern by pushing me to investigate the cause of my recurrent miscarriages. Part of me wants to do it but part of me just want to sit still for now and wallow in self pity.

So this morning I did both. Made an appointment for tomorrow. Then I ordered some pizza and watch tv the whole day. It helped to distract me from the fact that I had 3 miscarriages in a row.

Azalia was also my comfort. She's my miracle. She's my little fighter.

p.s: mom and aunt suspects my immune system is rejecting the feotus because the pattern is that my miscarriages are between 7-10wks. I was also bleeding when I carried Azalia but maybe because it happened at 12weeks, she survived. Can't remember what the condition is called but should check with the doctor. I'll only know once a blood test is done.

Pray for us.

And please.. I'm not looking for any pity. I have enough of self pity. Hehe.

Madge

I've never been a fan of Madonna. Her songs well actually her voice, somehow.. never appealed to me. But when the Glee casts sang it (and they have a great voice)... I could finally appreciate her songs. Cool.

Somehow I can see Madonna's songs used for a musical just like Queen's songs in 'We will rock you'.

Did I say I love that Glee's back.

hehe

Banker to the Poor: Micro Lending and the Battle Against World Poverty, Muhammad Yunus

One word. Inspirational.

I was totally blown away by the honesty, the frankness, and the sincerity of Muhammad Yunus in wanting to eliminate poverty in this world.A must read in my list.He started Garmeen with a simple act of kindness and turned it into a bank that has helped millions of others. Reading the book made me want to be part of Garmeen Bank. I even googled Amanah Ikhtiar Malaysia, a program here in Malaysia based on the Grameen program. Truly an inspiring read.

Hello GLEE!!!!

Glee is back!!!!!!

And with a BANG I must say. Loved Rachel's and Jesse's version of Lionel Richie's "Hello".

Of taylor swift and freaking Ultraman cosmos.

Swift's fairytale song(don't know the title and not bothered to find out) was on radio when I picked Azalia up the other day and she actually commented that she didn't like the song. Her exacts words were

Azalia: Mak, kenapa dier nyanyi mcm tu?

Mak: Sebab dier suka. Kenapa?

Azalia: Azalia tak suka lah.

ngeh ngeh...

But... she likes ultraman cosmos so much now the theme song is my head because she kept repeating the dvd. ARGHHHH

Rants

Selfish people are not aware of the consequences of their actions. They do not think of others nor do they care. All they care is of themselves which is the reason why unless you tell them their actions effects you, they wouldn't know.

Arghhh...

Today I may be a little out of line. I pointed out to someone that they do not actually contribute anything to this whole organisation. Jahat kan(although it's true). Sigh. I didn't know what came over me. Well actually I know. I'm angry. I'm angry at selfish people. I want to be selfish too because seriously.. being selfless means you have to take a lot of shit. So there you go.. I was being selfish. But I'm bothered now that I've said it. Damn. I'll be taking a lot more shit from the looks of it.

My senior told me sometimes I'm too direct when I tell people off. But I'm not the type of person to sugar coat my words. I tell it as it is. Yes... it usually gets me into trouble because no one likes the taste of medicine.

"Do onto others what you want done to you"

I can take it. Albeit a bit hurt but I can take it. I prefer direct than sugar coating it. Sugar confuses me. Let me have it and get it over and done with. Am I being selfish?? Well maybe a little. But I don't do it to EVERYONE.. just to those who I think deserves it.

Another sigh.

Shame is a double edge sword. It can bring you out from that bubble of yours or just make it more solid. It all depends on your ego and your willingness to learn.

p.s: I'm a bit unsorted today. Forgive me.

$$

So... this mother went a wee bit crazy last week and spent some moolah on the lil one's educational (I repeat... EDUCATIONAL) toys and books. hehehehe. Gile nak justify pembelian kan!!!

Anyway... it was my first time at the Smart Kids Expo and bought some wooden puzzles and toys for Azalia(it's cheaper than outside ok!!!). I also bought 3 interactive posters which will be introduced to her one by one. The toys will not be given to her all at once but one each month. Org kedai siap tanya "untuk sekolah ke kak?" I sheepishly answered "tak untuk anak". Nasib tak tanya anak berapa. hehehe

Thank God at the time I had little cash and little time (pergi during Friday lunch time maaa)If not I'm sure I'll be tempted to look for more stuff.

Baking and playing

I'm waiting for Azalia to wake up so that we can start baking. Yup, we've been baking this weekend and I intend to make it a weekend ritual if there's nothing planned. Yesterday we made cornflake cookies and since we have some ripe bananas, I thought today we can make a banana cake.

I've also enrolled Azalia to a playgroup. It's going to be every Saturday at the teacher's house and we had our trial class yesterday. In the beginning, Azalia was very apprehensive about joining the singing and dancing, all invitation by the teacher she responded with a very strong "TAK NAK" and did exactly the opposite of what everyone did. (when everyone sat she stood, when everyone stood up, she sat etc) But when the teacher took out the colour pencil for arts and crafts time she warmed up and finally joined everyone.

Although most of what they're doing is something that Azalia is already familiar of, but I think this is a good start for her to have a group of kids that she can play with regularly even if it's only for an hour, once a week.

p.s: maybe one day we can organise our own playgroup. That would be fun!!!!!!!!!!!

Ultraman Cosmos

Me:Alia buat ape hari ni (at sitter's place)

Alia: (Dengan semangatnye with gaya tumbuk2) Alia tolong ultraman cosmos lawan dgn monster haiyakk haiyakk..

Yes.. my daughter likes ultraman. When we were at the Hot Air Balloom Fiesta and my parents offered to buy her one helium balloon, she said

"Nak ultraman cosmos. Alia suke sgt"

Roles Reversed

Lately Azalia has become the mother..... to me

1.She told me off for being lazy

"Mak jangan malas. Alia tak suka. Ok!!!

2.She reminded me to go exercise

"Mak pergi exercise, mak dah gomok.

I told her I'll do tmrw and she said

"OK, Mak buat kerja dulu, sat gi mak exercise OK!!!

3.She would also remind me of her hygiene and sometimes mine.

"Mak, Alia nak wash hand dgn sabun"

"Mak, Alia tak nak pakai pampers dah"

"Mak, Alia nak wash teeth skrg!!!"..... "Mak wash gigi jugak ok!!!"

"Mak, tunggu, Alia nak kemas dulu"

"Mak pergi salin baju!!!

"Mak per makan dulu, nanti baru mak naik atas tengok TV ok!!! (OK actually this was her way of buying time so that she can watch her cartoon first.)

So...is this a sign that she's mimicking me when I was the one who told her to do all these things OR is she picking up my slack when I'm sitting on my behind.