Bila nak tak ade, Bila tak nak...merata2 ada.

I'm talking about macaroons.

Had a craving for them since early this year and I can't find any. Then when my sister went for her euro trip last month, I begged her to bring them back for me from London. And bring them she did all 2 dozens of them.

Now that I've satisfied my cravings suddenly they popped like mushrooms all around me. First I found out they are sold at Whisk in Empire, and then in G Tower right next door to my office building.

Sheesh...

Hence the title for today's entry.

Passport Malaysia - Info for Sarawakian in Semenanjung Malaysia

Apparently getting a Sarawak Malaysian Passport in Semenanjung will take you 5 working days instead of 1 day. Plus.. you have to apply on a work day and not a weekend.

Because of this we ended up going to the Immigresen 3 times to do Azalia's passport. 1 time because system was down. 2nd time we only found that we can't do it on a weekend. and the 3rd... finally we submitted our form. We have to go on our 4th trip to pick up the passport.

Anyway... what you'll need in is:

2 copies of birth cert
2 copies of ic
2 pictures.

And then wait for 5 workings days to pay and collect the passport because the Imigresen Department in Sarawak will have to do the passport.

The difference?

Well... you'll have a K instead of A(for Selangor) and I guess you're considered a Sarawakian. Oh ya... only Sarawakian can apply for this laa.. (Duuh)

Funny thing is... Although I'm the one with the Sarawak blood in me, Asa was the one who insisted on it. I just thought it was a hassle and wanted to settle with whatever is the fastest.

So don't wait till the last minute and expect it to be done in a day ok??!!

P.s: I'm posting this because I'm pissed this info was not in the Imigresen Dept Website and I ended up taking several trips to the dept. Sheesh.

Blood test result

The results of the blood test I took came back (well actually it came back a few weeks ago but I'm just not into sharing at the time) and everything came back negative, except for one (but they said that one is unlikely because we had Azalia). So that means there's nothing wrong with my blood that causes the miscarriages.

How do I feel(at the time)?

To be honest, I felt worse. Why? Because if there was something wrong then I would know how to fix it but since there's nothing wrong.. and nothing to explain the miscarriages I'm left with the unknown and that sucks. I should be thankful I know but I so badly want a reason to why everything happened the way it happened that I can't be grateful that everything's fine. This just makes me more hesitant to get pregnant because.... I seriously DO NOT WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER ANYMORE. But I do want another child. So how??

The other day Azalia said she wants adik. and she asked me

"Mak.. kenapa adik lari mak. Kenapa adik takde dalam perut mak?"

Heartbreaking innit. I just said that God loves adik more and they are with Him and not with us. One day insyaAllah you'll have a sister or a brother. If not you'll always have me... InsyaAllah.

But the truth is I no longer picture myself with another child. I think that maybe it's not meant for me. Call me pessimistic but I just have that feeling.

I told Azalia that I'll be one clingy mother because she's the only daughter that I have. So beware future Azalia's husband because her mother will always be with her..hehehehe.

Anyhoo... I'm late last month and I checked and it was negative and I was relieved because having had 3 miscarriages I no longer look forward to being pregnant. I want to be pregnant and I want more kids but those miscarriages have taken away the joy of being pregnant and finding out that I am pregnant. We're won't stop trying because.. we're only 27. BUT.. I know that deep down I am hesitant because like I said.. I'm scared. And thats the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me GOD!!. I guess Allah knows best and it's best that I put my faith in him. But that doesn't stop me from feeling the way I am feeling.

Of Reading,Spelling and my merapu-ness.

I've decided that I'm going to start teaching Azalia how to read. Sure she loves books. Everyday before going to sleep she insists on reading a book and she reads like.. a lot(although I know she memorises the stories and look at the pictures and not actually reading)yeah she can recognise a few words and sometimes I think she actually memorises them. But I want her to know how to read. Like proper reading. Like if I show her any word she would know.

She knows all her alphabets ages ago but now I want her to know how to put them together and form a word. Yes... reading. Not memorising, not just recognising w-a-t-e-r is water but knowing w-a is wa and t-e-r is ter and if there's w-a-f-e-r she would its wafer and not water. You get what I mean.

I might be too hard on her but then again...apparently primary school nowadays is was advances so I have to start now...takde dah 1+1 dah in primary 1.

I have nothing against flashcard but personally I think its more of memory rather than knowing how to spell. Yes.. I want her to know how to spell.

Reading with her will widen her vocabulary and phonics might help her to recognise the words but I want her to learn how to spell.

Yes spelling. I want to teach her how to spell and that will lead her to knowing how to read. Sure it'll take longer but I believe that it'll benefit her more in the long run.

I won't cast phonics aside altogether but I want to do both spelling and phonics together.

We started tonight and I think it won't go as smoothly as I hope because guess what... she inherited my ability to simply not ignore my mother and in her case.. I'm the mother so woe is me. I guess what goes around comes around.

Must.try.harder.No.Giving.Up.

Cikgu dengar.. mak tak dengar... aisehman. Oh yeah.. Azalia still attends her playgroup (alimkids playgroup) and she loves it and can't have enough of it. Kalau boleh tiap2 hari nak pergi rumah teacher Fatin.

Still a long way.... from being a minimalist.

I've been reading a lot of stuff on being frugal/minimalist etc. I just love the idea of being less of a consumer and not having a lot of stuff. Coming from a family of 'collectors' I know how easy it is to fall into the Don't-throw-I'might-need-it-later mindset. Just a few days ago I was getting rid of my baju kurung from way way way back when I was a teen(they are still in good condition and the only reason I don't wear them now is because of design) and I was thinking maybe I should keep them in case I want some materials to play with when I feel like teaching myself sewing.

Before I started having any more ideas I quickly stuffed everything in the plastic bag and put them in the donation pile.

Phew. That was close.

At least I didn't have any trouble donating my shoes. Anything that is uncomfortable goes straight into the donation pile.

I've already sorted Azalia's clothes and toys that are still in good condition but I still have not made any decisons on what to do with them.I'm still contemplating whether to donate them or keep them...you know... in case we have another baby girl.

Plus.. there's also the keepsake factor. You see my parents have kept some of our toys and good clothes for their cucu tu wear. Time and time again I've ridiculed them from keeping and bringing them to each new place we moved as I grew up(and we moved from Sarawak to PJ ok so that was really a commitment taking those clothes with us). But my mom were adamant in keeping them despite all the hassle. Then finally when Azalia arrived in the world, my mom washed those clothes and proudly put them on Azalia and seeing that made me want to keep her clothes for my own cucu to wear. But seriously... is it worth it? Maybe just a few? We'll see.

But I really want to clear those spaces because I hate knowing that deep in the cupboards I have tons of stuff just lying there... not being used.

Hmmm... decisions decisions. Need.to.decide.soon.

At least Asa's stuff is kept at a minimum.hehe.

Next up..... my handbags.(oopsss.. just bought a new one yesterday... ;-p what a minimalist wannabe. blurghhh)

p.s: Just got back from a 2 hour massage and body scrub with Deenz and it was just what I needed. The massage was just the right pressure and I chose a ginger scrub to 'buang angin' and it worked. A lot of angin came out (atas k bukan bawah) after we finished. Was tempted to get the package but it was way out of my budget. Sigh. Maybe next time. Thanks everyday.com.my for the voucher!!! (we only paid RM80 for it.. hehe)

Should I or shouldn't I

Asa just got news that he's going for a meeting in

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MAURITIUS!!!!!!!

Huhuu... I am so tempted to go. Checked the price for flight tickets and it's RM5-6k per person.. huhuhu..

Did I say I'm soooo tempted to go!!!!!

If I go.. should I bring Azalia along. I mean... she would have a great time there kan!! Plus Asa will be at work most of the time and my plan (if I go) was to go nearing the end and maybe he extends his stay for another 2 days so that he can spend time with me/us, but in the mean time I'll just wonder around Mauritius on my own (with Azalia if I decide she comes along) hehehehehe.

But if I bring her around than that'll add maybe another RM3k (If the airline has half price for kids) and.. the almost 24hour flight would be soooooo looonnnng with a toddler and I don't think I can handle it.

ARGHHHHHHHH

Decisions..decisions...

Should I go or shouldn't I??? let's decide on that first..

THE PLACE IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! KALAU TAK PEGI SKRG BILE!!????!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe we can make it our 2nd honeymoon???!!??? kekekekekeke

GILE BEST HONEYMOON DEKAT MAURITIUS!!!!!

Ok I'm about to go bonkers here because the thought (ni baru the thought) of going is soooo exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alia goes pee pee.

Yep... today I mark the day my daughter went to the toilet on her own.

Not her potty but the toilet.

You see, Ever since she's been diaperless, I've been training her to use the toilet because the potty is such a hassle to clean and when we're out there's no potty and there's no way I'm going to bring her potty everywhere. But I know at her sitter's she still goes to the potty. And sometimes when she needs to go she would do it on her own at the potty because it's reachable, unlike the toilet. Anyway at home she would usually ask me to bring her because she can't get to the bowl. But today she did it all on her own.

What happened was I was on the computer.. surfing, and Azalia was playing in the living room. Suddenly I heard her opening the bathroom's door and moved her bathroom bench(she uses it to get to the sink to wash her hands, brush her teeth etc)I called out to her to ask what she's doing. She mumbled something and I went to the bathroom to see, and lo and behold, she's already on the toilet bowl doing her business pants down and everything. She looked up to me and said

"Alia kencinglah Mak"

Good girl!!!!

Now all you have to do is learn to clean yourself up and mummy will be one happy lady!!!

heheheheeh

Tada, kimi wo aishiteru

*snort*

I cried buckets watching this.

And I'm not a mushy type of person.

But this movie was so simple, beautiful and meaningful.

No one said"I love you" directly but it was said and shown in so many ways.

I love love this movie.

The ending was bitter sweet but I wouldn't change it. Not even a bit.

Plus the photographs taken in this movie were awesome!!!

*snort*

How affected I was with the movie?? well... I was telling the story to Asa and I had tears in my eye. So sad.. So hauntingly beautiful.