Nowadays the only alone time i have with my thoughts are in the lrt, on my way to and from work.
Most days, I'd list down my to do list for the day, reflect on what i should or shouldn't have done and or just take a huge breather and blank because sometimes one needs a blank to recollect themselves.
Yes. Life with two kids is a whole lot of chaos. I start running around early in the morning and only get some rest when they are asleep. I'm lucky if they are asleep at the same time and I didnt fall asleep with them so that I can actually do some chores around the house which I have been neglecting nowadays.
Most days I feel calmer at work than at home. You see, at work, your boss gives you something to do, leave you alone to do it. At home you are constantly interrupted to complete whatever it is that you're supposed to do and have to be constantly vigilant with what they are up to. Its like trying to be a hawk and an ant at the sametime ( get it, hawk=vigilant, ant=busy... Ok i should work on that)
Don't get me wrong, I love, Super love spending time with my kids, but most times i find myself not doing that at home, there's the bottles and plates to be washed, laundry to be done, toys to be cleared, ironing, getting ready for school and nursery stuff, etc. And I'm left with little amount of time, especially on a weekday, to just really be with them.
Somedays i let everything go and just do whatever it is they want to do for the day, and forget about all the chores. But I feel judged for letting my family live in a mess. For not keeping whatever space that i have in the house in order.
So what is it that i want
I want to be able to hear every little thing my little chatterbox have to say about her day, herself, without me thinking there's some mess i have to clean up.
I want to be able to play with my baby before he grows up to be a toddler.
I want to sit down together with my kids without any electronic devises and have a good meal. Everyday.
I want the house cleaned, laundry done, utensils washed and cook and bake.
This is what i want, and i'm working towards getting it.
All the best to me.