Morning fun..... NOT!!'

Kids decided to wake up at 3am this morning and have some fun.

Not fun for me of course. Thought if i pretended to sleep they would go back to sleep. Didnt happen. Instead one kept on kicking me and the other laughs uncontrollably everytime he does it. Should have just woke up an studied. Instead of struggling with them to make them go back to sleep. But azalia has her first test so she should be sleeping or else she would be cranky and wont want to go to school. So i warned her if she wake up crying i'm having none of it.

She woke up happy alhamdulillah.

But she also woke up with a nosebleed. Lost count how many nosebleeds she's had.

I need to stop worrying.

It's been awhile.

Wow it's been awhile since I've written anything here.

I did write.

But somehow I can't finish what I've started.

My mind seems to go on and on and on lately and its tiring. Physically and mentally.

A lot has been happening. Although if you ask me to jot them down, it doesn't really seem that many. But somehow I find myself getting busy during the day and by night time I'm flat.

That reminds me.. I have been rather lethargic lately. I think its all the binging I've been doing. Yes.. to control my outbursts I've been eating... a lot. Somehow when I'm angry, I get hungry and when I'm hungry I'm angry... it's a vicious cycle.. hence food is where I find my comfort.

Yup... this resulted in me putting on weight and I can feel my thighs brushing against each other.. a sign that I've put on that extra weight. Ahhh the 'joy' of being a pear shaped individual.

Ok.. see.. I'm rambling again.

Kids have been on and off fever and diarhea. One week is the most we've had with two healthy kids, and then the cycle starts again.First its Azalia, then its Arfan etc. Azalia has been missing school... a lot..mainly due to her asthma. I've got to get that under control before she enters primary school.  Arfan was even admitted to the hospital for a whole week due to bronchitis. It was a scary ordeal because his oxygen level dropped suddenly and he was very weak. He had tubes up his nose, in his hands...and it was just heart breaking. He wasn't even smiling at me at all. He just stared at me like he doesn't love me (ok drama queen mode was on at the time) and slept... he slept the whole 2 days. And barely had food or milk. But the moment he got his energy back he was my happy smiley baby again and it was a HUGE relief.

Arfan is 1 last March and is developing his own character. He is one funny boy. And patient. My boy is patient. Alhamdulillah. Although when it comes to milk and food he can get very angry. Guess he got that from me? Haha.

Azalia on the other hand has been a challenge. I pray everyday now that I have the patience to be her mother and also that she becomes an excellent muslimah. Most of the time she's great. She would help me out, cheer me up,  but there are times when she gives me a hard time. She's also been spending too much time on the Ipad. But I know I can easily get her off it if I just do some activities with her.. but again.. I can't seem to find the time.

Exam is around the corner and I'm barely studying. For real. I don't know how I'm going to pass. All I know is I have to because I can't spend more time doing this. I really can't. The kids need me. Heck, their father needs me. And why am I doing this again? Oh ya.. because I want to and I want to finish it. Its my thing.

So... I suppose I'll stop here for now. Till I don't know when.